


This Is Life

by hextrals



Category: Bandstand - Oberacker/Oberacker & Taylor
Genre: F/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, happy-ish ending?, i may or may not have cried while writing this just saying, its mostly angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-30 21:53:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15105605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hextrals/pseuds/hextrals
Summary: Donny is having a worse than usual night and it leads to an unexpected conversation with Julia.





	This Is Life

**Author's Note:**

> i hope i do these characters justice. i love bandstand so much and these characters mean so much to me. i hope you enjoy this as much as you can even though it tore my heart out to write. also a warning before hand, it talks about Donny being shot in battle but it's nothing graphic. i felt i should say that since the archive warning didn't seem quite right for the situation.

Donny had been home from the tour for a few weeks. He had rehearsal with the guys and Julia today; however, he didn’t know how up to it he felt. Everything had been worse as of late. The nightmares, the memories, everything. And being near Julia and the boys- all he could think of was Michael. His best friend- his only friend. He moved to the phone, his hands shaking, and dialed Jimmy. 

 

“Jimmy I- I’m not feeling okay. I can’t get myself together I-” he was rambling and panicking. 

 

“I’ll call and tell everyone it’s off tonight. Do you need me?” He sounded like he wasn’t trying to sound concerned. 

 

“No. No don’t just- go without me tonight. I’ll be fine.” Donny felt disconnected. He knew he was talking, but it felt like it wasn’t him. Jimmy sighed.

 

“Okay. We’ll do what we can. You’re the drive Don, you keep the music because you need the music. Don’t be afraid to come to us.” 

 

“I’ll be fine, Jimmy.” He croaked then hung up. He slammed the phone down and bit his knuckle. He would be fine. Eventually. But as of right now..

 

_ ‘When I say get out, get out!’ _

 

He felt it go off again. 

 

He sat down absorbed entirely in his head. 

 

“There is a train. Quarter after five.” He whispered. He doesn’t know how long he sits there, but eventually there’s knocking. He can’t get up. He’s stuck in a torrent of memories. Of hell. Everything feels slow and blurry. He makes out the shape of someone now standing in his living room. 

 

“Donny? Donny come back to me. Donny please-” it’s Julia. It’s Michael. 

 

He’s suddenly back in the throws of war. He hears Michael calling him, telling him to get down. To get cover… but he’s too slow. Two shots through his side and he crumples to the ground. He almost blacks out but Michael was there, trying to keep him alive and awake.

 

“Julia..?” it’s quiet, hoarse as though he hadn’t spoken a word in years. He still feels like he’s living a nightmare, but now that she’s here, he can feel a sense of calm.

 

“Donny.. You scared me you know? I was so worried about you..” she gently cupped his face but he leaned away. 

 

“How can you do it? How can you look at me, knowing what I did I- I can barely look at myself-” He’s spiraling again, he can feel it.

 

“Because I’ve forgiven you. I know what he meant to you as well as me. Donny, how long can you blame yourself?”

 

“I’m blaming myself til the pain goes away because nothing I do can ever bring him back and you know as well as I do it should be him here instead of me.” He doesn’t sound angry or upset, he just sounds broken. 

 

“Donny, listen to me. I know that you feel like you don’t deserve to be here but-”

 

“No, Julia! I don’t. I would give anything to bring Michael back for you because god knows I’m not enough. I’m not good enough for you- I never will be.” He’s crying now, there’s nothing he can do as the white hot tears stream down his face. “Just go, Julia. Please. Just go home..” 

 

“I’m not just going to leave you-”

 

“Jules I need to be alone.” His words are sharp, cutting like a knife. She looks at him and shakes her head before sitting on the couch opposite him.

 

“If you need to be alone, so be it. Go be alone in your room. But I will be damned if I leave you alone in this house while you’re like this Donny.” Her voice is soft, but her face is hard. She sighs softly then looks over at him. 

 

“Donny… you remember the lyrics to Welcome Home?” He looks over at her, puzzled. 

 

“Of course I do. How could I ever forget?” his voice wavers. Julia looks nervous. A look Donny hasn’t seen her wear since before she joined the band. “Why..?”

 

“The lines of the song are…. There’s more meaning behind it than I originally told you.”

 

“What do you mean?” Julia looks at her hands. 

 

“The lines- ‘welcome home my husband, welcome home my love’-” she trails off.

 

“Are about Michael, I know-” his voice has more bite than he’s willing to admit.

 

“Only one of them is about Michael, Donny. ‘Welcome home my husband’ is about Michael, but… ‘welcome home my love’... that line- that line is about you. Donny... I love you. I want to be with you until I can’t be. You’re my heart. I love you so much it hurts.” Her voice is quivering, like each word she says brings her closer to jumping from a metaphorical cliff.

 

“Julia I can’t.” his voice cracks. He feels ashamed. “I can’t do that to Michael I-”

 

“Michael is gone, Donny. I will never stop missing him and I know you won’t either but we have each other don’t we?” she’s crying now. It’s his fault. It’s Donny’s fault. He did this. 

 

“Julia I love you too,  but I can’t right now I- I need more time.”

 

“I’ll wait. I know how good you are, Donny, and I know how much heart you have,” she takes a deep breath, trying to compose herself, “but you have to let yourself be happy again.”

 

“Michael is dead, Julia! It’s my fucking fault, too. I don’t deserve to be happy knowing that my best friend died because of me!”

 

“Donny, please-”

 

“This is life, Julia! I’m broken, and breaking more every day. I will never be what you need me to be! I will never be the man you deserve. I look at you and all I can think of is Michael. I hear his voice, I see his face, I feel him next to me and I-” his words are swallowed as his body is wracked with a violent sob. Julia moved next to him and held him in her arms. She let him cry as she gently stroked his hair and kissed his forehead. She knew he was a broken man. She knew he would never truly be free from that warzone but she loved him relentlessly. After minutes of crying and comfort, Donny starts to calm down.

 

“Julia- you… you should be with someone who you won’t have to walk on eggshells around-”

 

“Donny. I don’t care who you think I should be with. You’re the one I chose, and I will wait as long as you need me to.” her voice is soft, like a lullaby. She kisses his temple sweetly and moves to stand. Donny grabs her wrist gently, just to grab her attention.

 

“Will- will you stay with me tonight?” he sounds shy and scared like a nervous little kid. A soft smile graces her face and she nods. She curls up next to him on the couch, and falls asleep with her head on his chest.

 

That night, for the first time in the two years he’s been home, Donny Novitski was free of nightmares.

**Author's Note:**

> hi validate me and tell me what you think. comments and kudos? are my lifeblood thank you


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